One of the questions/concerns homeschoolers often face is "what about socialization". A week ago all the homeschool blogs were addressing this very question. I have my own thoughts as well, but what I really started thinking about was "Mommy Socialization".
I read a blog post at Simple Homeschool called "An Open Letter to My Non-Homeschooling Friends". The writer talked about how her relationships changed with parenthood and then when she began to homeschool. I was feeling the same initially, but then realized the changes in my friendships really had less to do with school choice and more to do with life circumstances.
When my kids were younger, I joined a mom's Bible study at church where I met some great ladies who of course had kids the same age as my own. From there I was invited to join a Mommy and Me group which introduced me to more moms. This group had moms come and go as life circumstances changed for individual families, but there was a common core group that remained the same for the most part. I remained a part of this group until my son went to PreK. One of his school days was the Mommy and Me day, so I no longer attended the group. But we still attended birthday parties and I went on our occasional Mom's Nights.
What had the biggest impact on me in regards to socialization was when my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. During this time I needed to be fully available to take my hubby to his appointments and his treatments. I was no longer able to attend evening activities because my husband wasn't able to take care of the kids. I often turned down birthday party invites because we didn't have money to buy gifts due to my husband being on disability. And often I was just too tired to take the kids to things myself after all I had to take care of at home. Even though I had to pull away from my friends, they didn't pull away from me. They blessed me with meals for several weeks, kept my family lifted in prayer and gave lots of encouragement.
This need to be home lasted for a great deal of the year following the end of my husband's treatment as he was recovering physically and very fatigued after having to go back to work. I still felt led to be home and we were really in need of some intense family time to regroup after all we'd been through. It was at this time that I began homeschooling both of our kids.
The lines are divided about half and half in regards to school choice for the families from this group. About half of us are homeschooing and the other half have their kids in school. Initially I felt like the author of the article mentioned above did, that our different schedules were the cause of separation. They were free in the early part of the day to gather together. Their new found free time allowed them to attend morning studies, pursue new jobs, or get together. Some of them also have the benefit of seeing one another at school since their kids attend the same one. Their afternoons are spent doing homework and attending activities. Evenings need to be cut short due to the need to get up for school and weekends are full of various kids' activities and family events.
As homeschoolers, we generally experience free afternoons except for any activities we are a part of and are able to get together at that time. Some homeschool through the same groups, so they see each other at enrichment classes and on field trips. Homeschooling takes up a great deal of time; it is a lifestyle choice and doesn't leave a great deal of time to pursue personal pursuits. While we can be more flexible about bedtime and getting up in the morning, our weekends are equally full of kids' activities and family events.
I guess in my mind, we were all on such different paths, that I couldn't see how we "fit together" anymore. I know when I first began homeschooling I did so with a great deal of pride and probably offended some with my pious attitude. I've since come down from my "high-horse" as I shared in my last post and no longer feel superior for choosing to homeschool. And while I feel very blessed to be home full-time and do not desire to find work outside the home, I know this is a need for some families and if a woman can do so without falling behind in caring for her family, it is fine for her to work outside the home. And even if it's just a personal desire, that is fine too.
We all got together a few days ago and it was a very nice evening. I found that we all had things to talk about one-on-one, in small groups and all together in spite of our different individual lives. We still share the same love for God, family and one another. And now, we have new ways to encourage and lift one another up in prayer.
We set dates for three more get togethers that best fit everyone's schedules. My preconceived notions proved to be incorrect, which I am thankful for because I have been feeling a bit lonely lately. Although I enjoy my family and our quiet life, and I have a couple of friends I am very close to and see somewhat regularly, it's not the same as feeling like you belong to a group of ladies. I am looking forward to reconnecting and the chance to be sharpened in new ways.
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