The kids and I have been homeschooling for four weeks now. I have to be honest and say that it has not been all I'd hoped for or imagined, but I know that I have high expectations for myself and my kids. So after some really rough days, prayer, and some great blogs on homeschooling that I've been introduced to, I was ready to begin anew today with a schedule in hand and a softened heart. Can't say the day was perfect by any means, but I was calmer and able to respond with more patience and kindness.
So why is it less than I'd hoped? I have a 3rd grader who has been in school for 4 years, counting preschool. While she likes being home, she is finding the freedom of home to be distracting. 3rd grade is more challenging and she has a very bright, younger brother who moves through his work quickly and is finished before her. She sets her mind on the negative right away and tells herself she can't do it and its too hard and she'll never finish and she's dumb. All lies from the enemy. It saddens me to hear my her say such things, but it's also hard to face the same battle almost daily. I have been weary in doing good.
There is a 1st grade boy who told me the other day he didn't want to do homeschool anymore. What he really meant was he didn't want to do school anymore - period. He would rather be playing on the Wii or with Legos. This has the benefit of motivating him to get his work done so he can move on to these activities, but sometimes he is careless in his rush. Again, mom has to correct with love and not be impatient. This boy is sensitive. He loves his sister, but at times she takes her frustration out on him and is not very kind in her speech. He responds in kind and so it goes.
And then there are the things that are a challenge for me. I have my two children home with me all day - need I say more? I am fully responsible for their education - I don't take that lightly. I greatly desire for them to grow up loving the Lord and serving Him in all they do - I worry about this too much sometimes. I very much want to have their hearts so they will always feel free to talk to me about anything - sometimes it's hard to be "patient and kind". My time is not my own. I am responsible for two people all day long. There is activity, talking, squabbles, TV, games, noise, commitments, errands, appointments, meals, chores, etc. all with two children by my side. And it doesn't end until they go to bed at night. I am weary and it's only been four weeks.
However, I have been learning this past year to praise God in the storms. So, here is the good stuff. . . I GET to have my children home with me all day. I have many opportunities to love them, disciple them, teach them, train them, and play with them. We are tying those heartstrings through our interactions with one another. I love who they are becoming and seeing them display their talents. I also have appreciated the helpful spirit they are developing. I am having them work alongside me to get household chores done. This is training them and helping me to spend more time with them - both while we work and with more time to play.
My kids are beginning to develop an affection for one another. They still fight at times, but they play together a lot more than they used to and for much longer periods of time. Our girl is beginning to let her brother come up with ideas and not making everything on her terms. They continually learn about sharing, kindness and forgiveness from being together so much more. I love this.
I am seeing them study God's Word through our inductive Bible study with understanding. They are able to read the Word and answer the questions. When the application sections come up, they are looking at themselves with real honesty and answering with truth. It is giving me the opportunity to be real before them as well. What a blessing to share in this with my children.
And although I am the adult, I have not yet reached the prize - I still have things to learn and areas to grow in. Having my children home with me daily is teaching me many things - patience, kindness, humility, sacrifice, and most importantly to rely on my heavenly Father for wisdom, guidance and strength.
I've adopted a daily schedule that I hope will keep our days moving in a more orderly fashion, helping us to avoid too much downtime with the electronics. There are times for errands, fun outings, games, baking and projects. Most importantly, I am giving myself some time to myself by getting up earlier to exercise and letting the kids know if they wake up before I'm done to stay in their rooms. I've also allowed for an hour of "quiet time" in the afternoon where we all retreat to our own rooms to give each other a break from one another. This is the time I have set aside to work on my study in John - very refreshing.
I have come to believe that anything the Lord calls you to, He will also equip you for. He doesn't expect me to do it all alone; but to depend on Him every step of the way. My friend pointed out to me some time ago that if I wanted to be closer to the Lord, homeschooling would provide ample opportunity; I'd be on my knees constantly. She was right. She also told me that homeschooling is a lifestyle. And that it is. While it is an adjustment, it is a good one. Many things can be seen as a "lifestyle", this is one that has eternal rewards and is worth all the hardships that come with it. So it is with renewed hope that I press on toward the prize. May God help me!
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