Having a teen in 8th grade seems to be a "game changer" in this homeschool journey. Curriculum is a little bit tougher and you begin to think of all the skills and character traits that will be needed for high school, college and life beyond. It's been a bit of a rocky start, but we are getting our "groove" and finding our days to be going much smoother. Here are 8 things that have been on my mind during this first semester of having an 8th grader:
1. (School is practice for life) "Why do we have to do school?" I guess all kids ask this question at one time or another. Besides replying that "it's the law"; my answer has been a little more thoughtful these days. Unless we get on some quiz show one day, we aren't necessarily going to need to call to mind all the small facts we learn throughout our school career. What we glean from school that is most important, however, is how to read, write, and do basic math. These are things we need in our everyday life. It's also a good idea to have a basic understanding of how things in the world work. And by studying the past, we can learn mistakes and make a better future. But ultimately, I see school as practice for life. It's about getting up in the morning and doing a job; following directions; completing a task; learning to be organized and how to manage your time; persevering through difficult things; and being humble enough to ask for and accept help. One of the greatest lessons we can teach our kids through school is how to put into practice 1 Corinthians 10:31, Colossians 3:17, and Colossians 3:23 - that whatever they do is to be done unto the Lord. Sloppy and half-hearted work not only displeases the teacher and keeps the student from learning, but it ultimately dishonors the Lord. I need to put these verses up in our school room as a reminder to all of us of how we are to plan and do our work.
2. (Expectations - independence, responsibility) As our kids age, we want to move them toward more independence and taking on more responsibility. But as this blog post talked about, we can't just set our kids adrift on their own and expect that they will naturally display the ability to work independently and to be responsible for certain things. The middle school years should be a training ground where we come alongside and coach our kids. We can begin by making them more accountable for planning out their work for the week and having them work more on their own instead of with us one-on-one. Gradually give more chores and responsibilities at home, making your expectations for how they are to be done and when they are to be completed clear. And above all, be patient!
3. (Make own choices) Part of this moving toward independence is allowing our kids to make their own choices. Maybe they want to try a new sport, take an art class or get a new pet. Maybe they want to try a new hair style, change the way they dress or decorate their room a certain way. Within reason this is a good time to allow them to discover what interests them. It's also another area where coaching comes into play. We need to be clear with our kids about what our finances will allow, what the time commitment will be and how it fits in with our family's priorities. Just because they are interested, doesn't mean we have to say yes. We need to remind them that saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else. And if this new choice goes against the family's values or priorities, then the answer may have to be no. This is also a time to teach our kids how to pray for the Lord's leading in their lives (Philippians 4:6; Proverbs 3:5-6). Sometimes what we want to do isn't always best, and the Lord can lay that on our hearts before we step into something that it isn't right for us. After careful discussion and prayer, if the Lord seems to be leading and we're able, then we can say yes. By giving them the chance to try something new they may find the new experience still isn't what they expected; but at least we have given them the chance to try it out and "own it" for a bit. On the other hand, they might find a new passion that excites and motivates them - maybe even a future career!
4. (Consequences) Part of this move toward independence and responsibility means allowing our kids to face the consequences of their actions. One thing my dad taught me growing up was "you pay a price for everything you do." Sometimes it's a good price, sometimes not so much. I've never forgotten his lesson and it's one I am now teaching my kids. We always need to make our expectations and the consequences for not meeting our expectations clear with our kids. They shouldn't be surprised when we tell them they will miss out on an activity because they didn't clean the bathroom or finish their school work. And we need to teach them to consider how the consequences will affect others. Being late to practice or a game because they overslept or didn't watch the time affects the team. Not doing chores leaves things messy and/or makes more work for someone else. Here's where the lesson to think of others as more important than yourself can come into play (Philippians 2).
5. (Modeling) In Titus chapter 2, Paul wrote about older men and women being an example to the younger generation. As the saying goes, "So much more is caught than taught." Our kids will remember more of what we do than what we say. If we want our kids to take school seriously, then we need to model that it is serious to us. When we put other activities above school, quit early because we're tired or just cancel school for the day regularly, then we are telling our kids that school isn't that important. Of course, as homeschoolers we have the flexibility to do these things, but if we do them too often, it can have a negative affect on our school success. In life, you can't show up to work late because you felt like sleeping in, or leave early because you're bored, and you only have so many days allotted to you in a year - if any - to take off. As I said above, school is practice for life. Our attitude is another important area (Philippians 2:14). If we grumble and complain all the time, that will begin to affect our kids' thoughts as well. It's draining to be around someone who is negative all the time. That bitterness begins to rub off and make everyone else miserable. As women, we set the tone for our homes and as homeschool moms, we set the tone for our schooling. Let's be sure to maintain an attitude of gratefulness by counting our blessings. And yes, there is always something to be grateful for (Hebrews 12:28)!
6. (High School) As homeschoolers, we have many choices for how to educate our kids for high school. Sometimes the different options can be a bit overwhelming. As I've talked with several different homeschool moms, I've found the way to navigate this decision is to look at your own family's goals and priorities as well as ask your child what he or she would like to do. Sometimes we think our kids need the high school experience, but our kids have no interest in attending. Other times our kids may be begging to go, but we know that it wouldn't be best because of where they are in their maturity and walk with the Lord. What we definitely shouldn't do is base our decision on the experience we had in high school. We need to remember our kids are unique and what was good or bad for us may not necessarily be the same for them. I recently read an article about three things kids who have been homeschooled through high school struggled with in college. They were as follows: getting to class on time, being able to manage big projects on their own (because they had always been broken down for them by their parent), and being able to concentrate in a classroom setting. These may be valid concerns for some individuals, but I don't think they apply to all. I also think that these problems can be addressed in our homeschooling by practicing each area - setting a set time for school to begin and making sure we are on time for other activities, assigning projects with a future due date that our kids have to manage on their own, and signing them up for a class here and there to get them used to learning in a group setting. But all of these can be addressed without sending your kids to high school. We know and have met many young adults who were homeschooled all through high school without attending a "brick and mortar" school and who did very well in college and are still doing very well as adults. The point is to not look outside of your own family and feel pressured to go one way or another. Each family needs to choose what is best for their child. No matter how you decide to educate your child, this is also a great time for them to practice independence by choosing the elective classes that most interest them. It will allow them to explore their interests and also might help them do better because it's something that keeps their attention.
7. (Disappointments) As our kids begin to explore new interests and make their own decisions, they will inevitably face disappointments. They may not make the team or get as much playing time as they'd like. Maybe they won't get the part they wanted in the play. They might find themselves having to choose between activities and missing out on things that their friends are doing. They may find others getting things (cars, phones, jobs, awards, recognition) that they aren't. Maybe they will have friends drift away as each chooses their own path. As our kids face the disappointments of life, we have the great opportunity to draw our kids to the Lord. God has a plan for each of our lives (Jeremiah 29:11), and He will guide and direct us in a variety of ways. What we see as a disappointment now, can be the catalyst to something better later on. It's important our kids learn to trust in God at all times (Psalm 62:8), to be joyful in all circumstances (James 1:2), and to look for the good amidst the bad.
8. (Love your kids) This may seem like a "no brainer", but consider what the Bible says love is. . . Love is patient, it is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, it rejoices with the truth, it always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) I know that I have not always loved my kids this way. I am not patient by nature and have not always spoken kindly. I sometimes want to put my own needs ahead of theirs. I find myself getting angry at having to repeat myself or deal with the same sin issues over and over. I have held their wrong-doing against them instead of forgiving and moving on. And there have been times when I've wanted to quit being the parent/homeschooling parent God has called me to be because it's just. too. hard. All of the difficulties we have with our kids are heart issues - theirs and ours. This is why it is so important to keep pointing ourselves and or kiddos to the Word of God and to pray without ceasing for the Lord's guidance in the lives of our children and in our own. We have the primary responsibility to point our kids to Christ. Just as He loved us, so we are to love our kids. And while we may be frustrated with our kids behaviors, we need to remember that they are dealing with a lot themselves. Their bodies are changing physically, they are flooded with new emotions, and they are facing more responsibility as well as disappointments. We need to show them grace and help them maneuver through all of these things so that they will become adults who are strong in their own faith.
My 8th grader and I are in a good place right now. Not that things are always what they should be, but there has been a great deal of improvement. Prayer, prayer and more prayer and God's Word have been the primary tools that have aided us in maneuvering this new season of life. The more we grow in Christ, the closer we grow to one another. I give all glory and praise to God for all the good that is taking place in our family. I pray this foundation we are building will remain strong and carry us through the high school years.
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